While their lives may be quite different, they share one big thing in common: Both are the primary breadwinners in their household.

Dacey Erik, owner of Booda Beans Coffee & Candy Café in Apex, and Kathy Cawley, a Verizon executive in Cary, are part of small but growing trend of women who, for various reasons, are supporting their families financially.

With more highly educated women earning large salaries, more single-parent households and greater acceptance of nontraditional roles, it’s a trend perhaps little seen even a couple generations ago.

U.S. Census Bureau data show that more than 25 percent of women in two-income marriages bring home the bigger paycheck. More than three out of four single-parent households in the United States are headed by a mom.

Erik joined the ranks out of necessity. For years the 43-year-old was a working woman in New York City. When she and her husband divorced not long after their daughter Rylee was born, Erik moved to Apex to start fresh.

‘Had to do something’
She took out a half-million-dollar loan — thanks to good credit, some money from the divorce and a solid business plan — and opened the coffee shop in the Scotts Mill neighborhood.

“I knew I had to do something,” Erik said, sitting outside the shop on a busy weekday morning.

Coming here from New York was “culture shock. I was really a fish out of water,” she said.

In New York she had done lots of things — acted, bartended, owned a spin gym for a while that attracted celebs like Martha Stewart and Katie Couric.

She came to Apex because she has family nearby. Erik said her prime motivation for finding sustainable income is Rylee, 5. “She’s my muse. She motivates me for sure. She rocks my world.”

Life for the single mom is busy — the shop is open seven days and while she has hired staff, she’s there at least part of each day.

On weekdays she gets Rylee up and dressed and the two start their day together at the shop. Rylee eats breakfast while her mom tends to business. Then Rylee heads to her preschool program and Erik comes back for a full day of work.

The mother doesn’t have a lot of free time, but she managed to act in a recent local production of “The Vagina Monologues.”

Erik, a vivacious long-haired brunette, said she wants her daughter to be strong and independent, like she is.

“I have so much gratitude knowing I’m teaching her the right things and showing her a way of being independent and that you don’t need a man to take care of you,” Erik said.

Erik said she feels it is important that Rylee have a close relationship with her father, who pays child support, and the daughter gets to visit him often.

“I go out of my way to make sure she has that relationship,” Erik said.

In motherhood and business, Erik seems to be thriving. Her shop — Booda is her nickname for Rylee — is a bustling hub of activity on weekdays, and she has added evening events with beer and wine available. Comfy sofas, plenty of seating and a children’s play area draw neighborhood moms toting toddlers and diaper bags, and business people on their way to work.

And to think, “I’m not even a coffee drinker,” Erik said.

Tag-team effort
The large calendar in the Cawley household in Preston is filled for the months of April and May — soccer and gymnastics practices and birthday parties penciled in Kathy’s neat handwriting.

In their household, Kathy is the planner and organizer. TJ is the doer.

A stay-at-home dad, he is the one who takes the children to play dates and gymnastics. The teachers know him better than they do Kathy — although she’s quick to point out that her schedule allows her to volunteer at school regularly.

The Cawleys said they’ve gotten a few raised eyebrows at their household arrangement.

“People don’t know quite how to react,” Kathy said.

But it works for them.

“TJ has always been very comfortable about who he is,” Kathy said.

“I don’t really care much about what other people think,” added TJ, an Ultimate Frisbee player who sports a neat ponytail and a small hoop earring and who once backpacked around the world.

When Kathy, director in the finance department at Verizon Business, was pregnant with their second child, she came up with the idea of having one parent stay home. And it was Kathy who suggested it be TJ, for a couple reasons. The obvious — her six-figure income was greater than his. But she also thoroughly enjoyed her job and had been there nearly 20 years; TJ, a financial analyst, was less tied to his.

“He’s probably better [at home] — much more patient and calm. I’m much bossier,” Kathy said while making dinner in the kitchen on a recent weeknight.

So while Kathy heads to her job in nearby Weston, TJ takes care of the three children, Katie, 11, Shannon, 5, and Ryan, 2. He hangs out with moms during the kids’ play dates at the park. He chauffeurs the children to their various activities.

It’s all the same to the Katie, a fifth-grader at Reedy Creek Elementary. “It doesn’t feel that different actually,” she said.

The husband-and-wife split in duties is pretty specific: He handles the house chores, lawn and trash. She does dinner, laundry, grocery shopping and the checkbook. Together they do “group bath and bed time” — Kathy gets the milk and juice while TJ does baths. Then it’s story time, and Kathy puts the kids to sleep.

“It’s a tag-team effort,” Kathy said.

The working mom says she wouldn’t be human if she didn’t feel conflicted at times. But those thoughts pass when she looks at the big picture. She is providing for her family and their future, she has a job she loves and a husband who is a true partner in their life together.

“I’ve done very well for whatever reason, and I’m not going to apologize for that,” Kathy said. “I’m going to play off my strengths.

“I also know I’m doing the right thing, the thing that’s best for my family. I really believe that.”