Just about the time the provocative cable TV series came out in the late 1990s, Lewis was making a radical plan for her own life that could have been titled “No Sex in the City.”

At 35 and single, Lewis decided that she was going to begin practicing abstinence to find her way to a committed relationship, marriage, kids and happiness.

A decade later — she now has a husband, two children and a book on the subject — she’s happy to report that her plan worked. And she wants to share with others what she learned through her own experience.

“When you get into a sexual relationship and sex comes early, the rest of the relationship is stunted,” Lewis said recently, sitting in the living room of her Apex home.

What follows, she said, are often hollow relationships followed by bad or broken marriages that “sometimes produce children.”

“I see that marriage has become disposable,” she said.

The vow
In 1998 Lewis took a vow of abstinence. After dating more than 100 men in a year’s time while keeping that vow, she finally met Mr. Right.

His name is Howard Lewis, and at 37 he was looking for a serious relationship, too. The couple met through a dating service while living in the San Francisco area.

The couple say they remain happily married while raising their two small children.

Cat Lewis, who recently published a book titled “Reborn Virgin Women,” believes so strongly that abstinence can solve modern-day relationship problems that she wants to share her message with other women.

The stay-at-home mom recently made her book’s message available through a free PowerPoint presentation that is available on her Web site, rebornvirgin.com.

Lewis says in her book that she believes her message would not have had credibility if she had not practiced what she “preaches.”

That term — preaches — is used loosely, as the big difference between Lewis and so many others who promote abstinence is that religion is not a part of her message.

Lewis says her message is a “broader” statement about society. And no matter what religion a person is, “I think [abstinence is] just good advice,” Lewis said.

Clock ticking
Lewis was in her mid 30s when she realized her biological clock was “just ticking away.”

She wanted marriage and a family. She had dated, had boyfriends, and yes, sex.

“The other way wasn’t working,” she said.

She read a book on adult women practicing abstinence and decided to try it. She took a vow of abstinence in May 1998.

Lewis began dating through a dating service “for the sole purpose of getting married” before meeting Howard about a year later.

She would meet dates for coffee, lunch, or dinner and a movie. When Lewis revealed her ground rules some men didn’t call back.

Lewis said her year of “dating with a purpose” was a real eye opener.

It “showed me what I needed in a man and wanted in a husband,” Lewis said. “Somebody who could be my partner, somebody I saw eye to eye with, somebody who could be my friend.”

That somebody was Howard. The couple had dated a few times before Cat broke the news about her “vow.”

“Well naturally part of my reaction was awww,” Howard said. “But the big thing was because she had boundaries, I thought OK, I’ve got respect for that. I was having fun. I’m willing to check this out.”

Lewis said most of her friends thought her approach in this modern day was “a little strange.”

“I was living in San Francisco, which is quite a different culture. I had a lot of theater friends, a lot of gay friends and we were just very open about sex,” Lewis said.

The Lewises were married a little more than a year after they began dating.

Both agreed, however, that spending that time together “away from the bedroom” wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.

Howard agrees that his wife’s message is important. “It works,” he said.

“They talk about marrying your best friend. I had no idea what that meant. My best friends were guys — women were women,” he said.

The message
Lewis, a former dental hygienist, said she thinks abstinence can benefit a relationship in many ways. Freedom from fear of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases are just a couple of the benefits, which also include stronger relationships when the emphasis is on really getting to know a person, she said.

She calls women the “gatekeepers” to relationships. “If anyone can revolutionize marriage and sex, it’s women,” she said.

But, Lewis thinks, not if they take the “Sex and the City” approach.

“We need to be more conscious of who we are letting into our lives and who we are letting into our beds,” she said.

More details
“Reborn Virgin Women” is available at Amazon.com. A free PowerPoint presentation, including a Christian version of “Find the Love You Deserve,” can be downloaded at rebornvirgin.com.