I met Apex resident Linda Hill recently at the Cokie Roberts book signing at the McKimmon Center (and Cokie, by the way, was a lot funnier than I thought she’d be but that’s another story). Hill, a freelance writer and community college teacher, attended with a professional organization of which I’m a sporadically attending member. We introduced ourselves while waiting for Cokie, and like most moms we started talking about our kids.

Hill was excited because her newly adopted daughter, Brandi, was arriving in a few weeks to join the son she and husband Bob Maddalena adopted two years ago.

“What country are you adopting from?” I asked Hill.

“Here,” she said simply.

“Here?” I asked. “Here, like North Carolina?”

Hill nodded earnestly like perhaps I wasn’t very bright.

I explained that I always thought domestic adoptions were ripe with the risk of children being returned to biological parents just before the adoption was finalized. Hill acknowledged this can sometimes happen in situations where the biological parents’ rights have not been terminated, but that currently there were more than 3,000 foster children in the state with no legal issues, just waiting to be adopted.

“The adoption agencies call them ‘waiting children,’” Hill explained.

“They are children who are more difficult to place due to age, health issues, or perhaps they are a sibling group that needs to be adopted together. Most people want to adopt healthy infants, so once a child becomes school age, he or she is harder to place.”

The dreaded “people mover”
Linda Hill never had a burning desire to have kids of her own, but she made up her mind a long time ago that she’d like to make the life of at least one child better.

“Many years ago, I read an article about older children in foster care who needed homes and it was so distressing I never forgot it,” Hill recalled. “The plight of these children, spending years in foster care, being moved from one foster home to another, never having any love or stability in their lives, bothered me terribly.”

Hill tucked away the article and considered that one day she might consider adopting an older child who needed a home. That day came a few years ago when she and husband Bob registered with Children’s Home Society, an adoption agency headquartered in Greensboro with an office in Raleigh. CHS did a good job of educating Hill and Maddalena through a series of classes that teach prospective parents about the issues facing foster kids — often abuse and neglect — and how to deal with them.

“One particularly moving exercise they gave us was to imagine ourselves in our favorite room in our home, then imagine the doorbell ringing,” Hill said. “A stranger is at the door, saying ‘Hello, I am the people mover. You need to pack your bags because you are coming with me. You have to leave your family now and move in with another one. Don’t worry, they are nice people, they have other kids you can play with, you will like it there.’ So you move in with that family, and after a while, you have learned all their rules, gotten to know the family routine and are finally starting to feel at home there, when the doorbell rings again.

It’s the people mover again. And this happens over and over and over to these children. It’s no wonder they come out of this system jaded, full of mistrust for adults and unable to form stable families of their own.

“It breaks my heart to think of kids living their lives this way, being outsiders all their lives until they age out of the system at age 18.”

Hill continued. “Who is there to help them learn adult life skills, apply for college, find jobs, raise families? Where do they go for Thanksgiving? Who do they turn to for lifelong guidance? I’ve read that kids who age out of the system often end up on the streets. It’s a disgrace that a society as rich as ours can let that happen.”

A fulfilled purpose
The parenthood path is always treacherous in places, whether you’re parenting biological kids or adopted kids. As Hill waits for her 13-year-old daughter Brandi to move into her house, she remembers back to when her 12-year-old son Alan first moved in two years ago.

“We had a rough start,” Hill said. “Alan had been with one foster family for two years, and he hoped they would adopt him. When they didn’t, he was crushed. After moving in with us, he was very homesick for them, and we were very aware that he did not want to be with us. It hurt, but we knew he was a very resilient child. He worked hard to fit in and make the best of it. His great sense of humor, excellent manners and his vast ability to adjust to new situations have been his saving grace.”

Alan is looking forward to having a big sister, and Brandi can’t wait to move in as she’s already met a few friends in the neighborhood during visits. Hill knows there are probably challenges ahead, but she and Maddalena are ready — and patient — and will take it day by day. Hill knows she’s doing something she was meant to do.

“Having been blessed with wonderful parents and a great childhood, I wanted to give some of that back,” she said. “I strongly believe that we are on this earth to help each other, and I always thought that if I could influence one life for the better, my life would not be without purpose. And beyond those lofty thoughts, the house always felt a bit empty with just the two of us rattling around in it. Now it’s a bit messier, full of toys and schoolbooks and noise, but it’s certainly more alive.”

For information on adopting foster children in North Carolina and to view summaries of children available for adoption, visit and click on “Meet the Waiting Children.”