It’s not often that I feel trepidation before writing a column. But writing about atheism in the Bible Belt could do that to any writer.

Here in Cary, a meetup group called Parenting Beyond Belief has been gathering once a week for the past several months. The group was started in July by founder Jeff Kingan after reading “Parenting Beyond Belief” by Dale McGowan. The group now has nearly 50 members.

I’m not an atheist myself, and since this column aims to walk in the shoes of other parents for a bit, I asked some of the group members to open up about the issues of parenting as a nonbeliever, particularly around the holidays. It was a big step because, for some, when they “come out,” they get the cold shoulder from neighbors and co-workers.

“I don’t think that it’s just us atheists who are discriminated against,” wrote Carmen Zepp, who has three children. “In this country — and in this area, especially — it’s just about anyone who isn’t Christian who is discriminated against. Sure, we atheists are viewed as completely immoral, and that just isn’t so and isn’t fair ...”

Although many of the members I talked with do celebrate Christmas, they do so without religious connections. But how do these parents address the religious explanations of Christmas that their kids are bound to pick up from school or other friends?

“It will be something we address if and when it comes,” said Philip Young, a Cary resident with a daughter who’s nearly 3. “We'll frame it as one of the many stories about Christmas. We also plan to tell the capitalist version of the celebration, where at the end of each year you celebrate your good fortune by giving gifts to others.”

Lisa Bartley, a Cary resident with a 2-year-old son, loves Christmas, but was never told as a child about the religious connotations.

“It wasn’t until I grew up and met people who actually thought of it as Jesus’ birthday that I thought of Christmas any differently,” Bartley wrote in an e-mail. “I want to do all that fun Christmas stuff with my kids, while also explaining to them how other people all over the world view Christmas.

"This way they can learn about cultures and similarities and differences among people, while enjoying the wonderful traditions of family time and charity that our family will hold.”

Some of the parents I heard from were bothered by the fact that their children might be exposed to religious teachings, possibly in school or other places, one writing that she’d try to “send back the teachings where they belong, to the church.”

Others welcomed the opportunity for their kids to be exposed to a variety of religious teachings so they can make up their own minds.

“Knowledge is power, and the more knowledge they have about different religions, the easier it will be for them to see the similarities — good and bad — between those religions and to choose, when the time comes, their own beliefs,” wrote Zepp. “I do not in any way want to force my ‘belief,’ if that’s what you want to call non-belief, onto my children.

Instead, I want to give them all the facts about religion, as I see them, and then allow them the opportunity to explore and decide for themselves what’s what.”

“Parenting Beyond Belief” author Dale McGowan said religious holidays are not always an all-or-nothing proposition for nonbelievers.

“Some secular parents feel the need to pull away from anything that feels or looks like religion; others are comfortable with rituals or practices that are quite similar to religious ones; still others continue to happily attend churches, even theistic ones,” McGowan wrote.

“My hope was to empower them all, not to suggest there’s only one right way.”

Tolerance and diversity
Atheism has received a lot of press lately, specifically regarding “The God Delusion,” the controversial book by British biologist Richard Dawkins, which, as of last month, had sold 1.25 million copies.

According to the Institute for Humanist Studies, an estimated 14 percent of Americans are nonbelievers.

The parents I talked with were articulate, intelligent and warm, and I wanted to continue our dialogue long after they had finished with my questions, but I didn’t. As a Christian and a spiritual person, I wondered who or what atheists turn to in crisis and where they find hope if not from a higher power. But then it dawned on me that they disbelieve as much as I believe. And one of the great things about our country is that we all have the right to believe what we believe, hopefully in a tolerant environment.

One universal truth: We all love our kids.