Jennifer and Wes Renfroe of Cary kept hoping their son’s speech delay would resolve on its own. Their daughter had been a late talker and they figured the same thing could be happening with their son Ethan, then 4.

It’s not uncommon. Many parents adopt a wait-and-see attitude about issues their children are having and often it’s the wise thing to do. In Ethan’s case, however, there were other red flags.

“The preschool teachers noticed his struggling with language and lack of making peer friendships,” said Jennifer Renfroe. “Initially, they referred us to Community Partnerships which did both speech and motor skill evaluations. They noted a speech delay and sensory issues as well as a fine motor delay. Later, we were referred to Wake County for further evaluation and diagnosis.”

The diagnosis was high-functioning autism, meaning Ethan, now nearly 6, was on the autistic spectrum but his cognitive skills were within an average range. It’s a diagnosis that many parents dread. Despite increased awareness and media coverage, Renfroe says many people still equate an autism diagnosis with Dustin Hoffman’s character in the 1988 movie “Rain Man,” virtually unable to function normally in society.

Renfroe stresses that this is often not the case. Autism is a complex developmental disability, a neurological disorder typically appearing in the first three years of life that impacts social interaction and communication skills. Both kids and adults with autism typically have difficulty with verbal or nonverbal communication, social interaction and leisure activities, but many still function quite well in the everyday world.

Throughout Ethan’s diagnosis and treatment, Renfroe has always been optimistic. “If the glass is half full, I can fill the rest up,” she said.

“I think a lot of parents get depressed because they always think about the what-ifs and how-comes. That’s totally natural. It’s very hard to take my advice when you’re a newly diagnosed parent because you have to work through everything and each person works through it differently,” Renfroe continued. “You just don’t know what’s going on. I’ve learned to just take it one step at a time and be positive rather than negative.”

Autism is the fastest growing developmental disability in the United States, affecting one out of 150 births, according to the Autism Society of America. Many question whether the disorder is actually increasing or if more children are simply diagnosed and receiving early intervention. Early invention is a big part of fighting the battle. After attending a special-needs preschool offered by Wake County, today Ethan is enrolled in kindergarten at Salem Elementary. “We put him in Wake County schools and let him do the best that he is capable of, which so far seems to be a lot,” Renfroe said. “He does get occupational therapy at his school, and he is attending both a mainstream class and a cross-categorical class as set forth in his Individualized Education Plan.

His language has improved and so has his ability to write. He is now reading and seems to enjoy going to school.”

Each year, Ethan’s teacher and a support team will meet to review his IEP, an education plan designed just for Ethan, to determine whether annual goals have been met and to assess how he’s doing in the classroom. Parents are involved in establishing the IEP so input is gathered from every area of the child’s life.

The Renfroes know that Ethan may require lifelong help in some capacity, and while the thought is scary, they’ve made their peace with it by changing the way they define success.

“You can’t change the way they are; the thing you can do is help them become the best they can be,” Renfroe said.

“Think of your child as a unique individual who has different strengths from what society dictates. Focus on the things your child enjoys and use that to teach concepts. Your child can learn and grow; it just may be in an unconventional way.”

Local Resources: Community Partnerships Inc.: 781-3616 or compart.org. Wake County Autism Society: 459-2544 or wakecountyautismsociety.org. Wake County Public School Special Education Services: 858-3151 or wcpss.net/special-education.

Contact Christa Gala at christa gala.com.