Seriously.

I try really hard. But things always go awry when other kids come to our house to play.

I think it's because I don't have enough parenting experience.

With an only child, I'm not going anywhere fast in the learning department.

It's a system of: try, mess up, learn, and move on to the next stage.

Often I just don't get another opportunity to improve upon what I've messed up.

As my mother used to say: "Into each life some rain must fall."

I can live with that.

Anyway, here's a draft of the disclaimer I'm thinking about:

To whom it may concern:

I'm the mom who may deliver your kid home with a bright red sunburn even though I applied sunscreen twice.

It's also possible he'll return home with nine Band-Aids on his shins as a result of the briar patch he encountered on what I hoped would be an ultra-fun nature hike.

It turned out to be a torture chamber of mosquitoes and possible tick exposures.

The lost shoe?

Yeah.

I'm really sorry about that.

The empty creek bed sucked it off your kid's foot.

He never said anything, and I just noticed.

And, I hate to tell you, but it's been my experience that I may call a few days after our play date to say, "Tyler's sick; I hope your child didn't catch it."

That said, we're glad you've decided to play with us today. We love friends. And I'll keep trying.

Whew.

Actually, I feel much better.

I think I covered the bases.

I feel a sense of relief now that no one can expect too much.

Come to think of it, I could do disclaimers for other areas of my life as well - extending to my cooking and also the likelihood that the grass will either be too long or mostly dead when you arrive.

And there will almost always be fingerprints on the mirror, trash that needs to emptied, dishes in the sink and junk on the stairsteps that no one but me ever bothers to carry upstairs.

That's just the way it is.

Be forewarned.